Rice-a-Ruin-i

Now that the danger seems to have passed, I think I can safely tell the story of my encounter with treacherous rice.

The rice of my potential doom

Simply put, I ate some bad rice, and for the following 24 hours I was worried I was going to get sick. 

It wasn't rice from an exotic source, but merely prepackaged rice from Target. We eat it all the time, and all one has to do is put it in the microwave and heat it up. 

So just a few nights ago, I sat down to enjoy some of this rice with some "stir-fried" veggies and soy meat. I use quotes because I'm not sure I technically meet the standards of stir-frying, but I chop up some veggies, throw them in a pan with some soy sauce and hot sauce, and voila!, I have a stir-fry. 

(On a tangent...I don't usually claim to "cook" because I think cooking should involve more thought and artistry, but I think I cook as much, if not more, than most Americans. I chop up a lot of vegetables, anyway. I just don't use any fat...it's all chemicals, sodium, and hot sauce. Again, I'm not advocating this nutrition plan, just keepin' it real. And then usually the veggies, fake meat, and what not, are served with some carbs...rice, pasta, etc., depending on if it's an Asian or Italian themed chemical sauce. Accompanied by a big ass salad. Did I mention that I spend a lot of time chopping veggies...while drinking red wine...)

I'm spend a lot of time choppin' broccoli...okay actually
brussel sprouts but you get the idea

Anyhoo, I sat down before play rehearsal the other night to enjoy a big plate of Asian-themed veggies and Target rice while trying to learn my lines. From the first bite I recognized that something was a little off. There was a bitter taste, but I thought, "Oh well, I guess I just burned the brussel sprouts." But the taste persisted. I experimented and did a taste test. Nope, not the brussel sprouts...or any other veggies...OMG the call is coming from inside the house!!! (meaning, in a reference that no one under 45 will probably get, it was the rice). 

So what the hell was wrong with the rice? I do not know. I can't conceive of how something so processed could spoil. I checked the bag and discovered there was an odd slash in the center. So as a child of the 80's who was alive during the Tylenol poisoning murders, I couldn't help but wonder if the Target rice had been tampered with. 

I didn't actually eat that much bad rice. I even, after much soul searching, ended up throwing away most of the veggies that had come in contact with it (all that slaving over a cutting board for nothing!!) But still I couldn't help running through worst case scenarios. I wanted--and still want--to believe that in cases of food poisoning, how much you eat matters. But I really have no idea. Perhaps our bodies have a no tolerance policy. I also have no idea how long it takes for food poisoning to kick in, but I'm hoping more than 48 hours means I'm in the clear. (This is why I didn't post about this until now...I didn't want someone knowledgeable to burst my bubble). 

I don't think it helped that I'm in a one-act right now ("Mr. Burns," opens next weekend, don't miss it!!) where my character talks about stomach flutters ("Is this adrenaline? probably not") and pants-shitting. Luckily, art does not seem to have imitated life.