Lie-bations

I'm used to saying odd, inappropriate, and regrettable things. Sometimes my filter is just gone. This can happen for many reasons, and while alcohol is often involved, nervousness and exhaustion can also be culprits. Sometimes something makes perfect sense or seems really interesting to me, but I totally misjudge my audience.

I'm also no stranger to saying things that aren't technically true (yes, now known as "alternative facts"), as I'm a big fan of the social lie. We all have a different moral compass, and mine is often pointed in the direction of making things go smoothly. Just this holiday season I unabashedly declared "Christmas is for lying."

But recently I unintentionally said something completely untrue for no discernible reason and it was so unexpected it caught Chad's attention and made him laugh. He even suggested that we tell our playwright friend Jim about is as he might be able to use it as material. 

The surprising comment? "I like beer."

Okay, not a shocking on its face, but I really don't like beer. Or at least, I almost never drink beer, because I theorize I can drink more wine and/or bourbon for the same amount of calories. (Not saying this is a reason to be proud of just keepin' it real). 

I'll drink beer after I've run 10 miles. 

Not only was this statement a lie, but I can't think of any reason why I said it. We were out to dinner with some friends, but as far as I know they aren't beer enthusiasts, so I wasn't trying to impress them. We weren't even talking about beer. We were talking about drinking, but I hadn't actually had a drink yet. 

So I don't mean to trivialize possession (so my apologies to all my possessed readers out there, demonic or friendly) but I almost felt like I had been taken over by another entity. Not sure who that entity would be...sometimes I feel like I'm channeling my mother, but if my mother said she liked something (whether or not she actually did) she would have convinced herself that she DID like it, so I don't think this outburst was courtesy of Colleen. 

Or maybe I'm really a host from "West World" and my programmers were having a minor spat over my back story (note to self, back story would make a great blog topic). 

Since I don't know why I declared that "I like beer," it is a little disconcerting to think that at any time, for any reason, I could again say something I don't mean without intending to. So as a litmus test for myself and anyone who might interact with me, if you hear me make any of these statements, it's a good idea to check for wires: 

Amy Lies to Watch Out For

• My hair color is natural.
• I have a good sense of direction.
• I'm rarely late.
• I like the Beastie Boys.
• I've read a lot of (or any) Jane Austen.
• It's fine with me that I didn't get that part. 
• I'll only spend 15 minutes at Target.
• I'm not hungry.