Hotter Than a Pepper Sprout

Now that the danger seems to have passed, I think I can safely tell the story of my encounter with treacherous rice. The rice of my potential doom Simply put, I ate some bad rice, and for the following 24 hours I was worried I was going to get sick.  It wasn't rice from an exotic source, but merely prepackaged rice from Target. We eat it all the time, and all one has to do is put it in the microwave and heat it up.  So just a few nights ago, I sat down to enjoy some of this rice with some "stir-fried" veggies and soy meat. I use quotes because I'm not sure I technically meet the standards of stir-frying, but I chop up some veggies, throw them in a pan with some soy sauce and hot sauce, and voila!, I have a stir-fry.  (On a tangent...I don't usually claim to "cook" because I think cooking should involve more thought and artistry, but I think I cook as much, if not more, than most Americans. I chop up a lot of vegetables, anyway. I just...

I'm used to saying odd, inappropriate, and regrettable things. Sometimes my filter is just gone. This can happen for many reasons, and while alcohol is often involved, nervousness and exhaustion can also be culprits. Sometimes something makes perfect sense or seems really interesting to me, but I totally misjudge my audience. I'm also no stranger to saying things that aren't technically true (yes, now known as "alternative facts"), as I'm a big fan of the social lie. We all have a different moral compass, and mine is often pointed in the direction of making things go smoothly. Just this holiday season I unabashedly declared "Christmas is for lying." But recently I unintentionally said something completely untrue for no discernible reason and it was so unexpected it caught Chad's attention and made him laugh. He even suggested that we tell our playwright friend Jim about is as he might be able to use it as material.  The surprising comment? ...