I Ran for Over Two Hours and All I Got Was This T-Shirt...

...and a cool glass and a MEDAL. That's right, a freakin' medal. And I feel like I totally deserved it.

This Fourth of July, I ran my first half marathon, (the Twin Cities Red, White & Boom), and it made me feel pretty darn mighty. It also blew my mind. Even though I've been running/jogging for over fifteen years, I wasn't at all "athletic" in my formative years, so still don't always think of myself as the running type. 

Aforementioned Race Loot (sans cool glass)

And how did it go? One cool thing about running is that it's very personal, so it's hard to say what is objectively awesome. You have to take your age, sex (your sex, not if you've had it or not), sleep deprivation level, the humidity, how many people you have to dodge, how hilly the course is, your previous race and training times, if you're sick or hungover or being chased (and by what), etc., etc., into account. I really did not know what to expect for my first half marathon or what a reasonable goal was. 

Woot

So I was very happy when I 1) FINISHED and 2) finished 2:04:11 seconds, with an average pace of 9:29 per mile. My "PR" pace (ah, runner speak for "personal record") is 8:52 per mile, but that was for a 10K so it was not nearly as demanding. 

Before the half marathon, Chad and I spent a lot of time reading and bonding and laughing over "The Runner's Rule Book" by Mark Remy. I highly recommend it, even if you are only slightly interested in running, or if you just want to understand a little more about runners. And in the spirit of that book (and in the attempts to do my usual list thing under a slightly different pretense) here are:

The Runner Amy's Rules:

• I AM a runner. As Mark Remy writes: "If both your feet are off the ground simultaneously, you are running." I did that for 13.1 miles, so I guess that counts.
• A 6:30 a.m. start time is hella early. Yes, it's a good thing when you are running in July in 90 percent humidity, but it's really hard to get up at 4:00 and have "all systems go" by 6:30.
• If all systems are go, and you don't succumb to other mishaps that you've obsessed about and really can't control (like tripping or cramping or passing out), then you are a very lucky person and should give thanks to the running deities of your choice. 
• It's awesome not to have to deal with a huge mob of other runners/walkers that you can't get around, like I've experienced in other races. Yes, a little dodging and passing makes you feel appropriately competitive, but too much is just a frustrating cluster*#!@.
• Post-race brunch (and a Bloody Mary) is a right and a sacrament. Thanks Psycho Suzi's!
• Whenever I reflect on running, I will remember my brother making Bionic Woman slow motion sound effects when I ran as a little kid and saying that I ran so fast that it looked slow (oh, I guess I was a runner in my formative-formative years!)
• It's really annoying when your fitness tracker displays the "red line of death" later in the day because you're not active enough after you have run a half marathon (seriously, they can't program around that?!)
• The Amy will be exhausted for days after a half marathon (not sure how much is caused by exertion or lack of sleep)
• As soon as I find out my race results, I will almost immediately and simultaneously start worrying about if I did good enough and if I have set my personal bar too high which will only lead to future shame and self-loathing.
• Sweaty post-race hugs are totally fine.
• You can really bond with people over running shoes (in my case, Brooks Ghost 7).
• Big races are so monumental that even Chad will consent to photos after them. And it really doesn't matter how crappy one looks in said photos.
• Hot dogs at the post-race picnic are just not appealing at 9:30 a.m. (and I think this would be true even if I ate whatever it is that ends up as hot dog meat). Nut rolls, though, are endearing. 
• I'm not sure I've ever experienced a "runner's high", but the crossing the finish line "oh-my-god-I-did-it-I-may-puke-and-I'm-going-to-cry-and-I-can't-stop-moving-where-is-Chad?" feeling is pretty intense. 
• It's best just to apologize to all your friends and acquaintances in advance for the fact that you will be wearing your race shirt A LOT in the days, weeks, and possibly years to come. And maybe your medal (Mark Remy's rule 2.16: "Your medal is wearable for a reason.") 
• When you wake up from your post-race nap, you will start wondering about what your next race and race goal will be...